The need to be desired, it is a topic many women will avoid. They think it shows weakness to express the need to have a man find them attractive. I don’t. Maybe it was the many years of being overweight, but I love when I get hit on by a man. Being bipolar I admit that my need for a man to flirt with me takes on a life of its own. I love it! I crave the attention, and don’t feel as good about myself when it isn’t happening on a regular basis. Being told I am pretty, sexy, hot all makes me feel wanted and, after feeling like the ugly duckling for most of my life, I find nothing more thrilling.
Since I long for the feeling of feeling attractive I do certain things that make some women question me. I always have elaborate makeup on. I take a lot of time to do my makeup before leaving the house each day. It is something I am known for. I am often asked about the products I use, as well as the techniques I use to apply my makeup. I never feel unqualified to give the advice because I did have a cosmetology license, even though it has lapsed now. I also did makeup backstage for theatre even on traveling Broadway shows and for many community theatre shows, so I know my skills are there. I use it to my advantage to give myself a flashy look.
I also make sure to do my hair and have it styled nice as well as put on a fashionable outfit. Being known for my style and flare makes me proud to have bipolar because I know that the bipolar is part of why I have my creative style and flare. It gives my personality a complete persona, and I always enjoy when a gentleman can appreciate the time I put into looking nice.
Then on top of the makeup and the hair and the perfect outfit. I make sure I exercise and go to the gym. I know it seems like not a big deal but as I mentioned I was overweight most my life and now that I am not it is nice to continue to maintain my weight loss. I enjoy jogging and being fit. I like being able to wear sexy clothing that make me feel attractive and yes they are normally provocative and turn heads but that is the way I like it.
I know now that hypersexuality is a symptom of bipolar disorder and I know that my need to be desired probably stems from that. I don’t always like that I care so deeply what others think of me and sometimes it is the one thing that will send me deep into a depression. I may over think why no one has flirted with me recently or why my husband of almost 20 years hasn’t tried to have sex with me lately, however a good night out dancing is the one thing when I am feeling confident again that can knock that depression out of me too. It is always amazing to me what a night of feeling like a sexy woman can do for my self-esteem. For me it is a rush like nothing else, better than any drug that I could even imagine is out there.
I know bipolar has some symptoms that are a pain in the bottom and many of them I don’t care for. This symptom however is not one that I am looking to correct anytime soon. I don’t mind needing the reassurance from others that I am attractive. Maybe, that’s because I am finally okay with who I am. It won’t happen every day that a man finds me attractive and I am okay with that. I am happily married and I would never change that. I love my husband but I do love to flirt, hyper-sexuality must be controlled but can be by staying on your wellness bipolar wellness plan. I am lucky to have an understanding husband who understands when it happens it isn’t something he isn’t doing but something that is because of my disorder. Bipolar, it’s a beast!