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“Stories Of Recovery” FaceBook Live Interview With Gabe Howard of Psychcentral.com

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This entry was posted in Bipolar, Interviews and tagged Bipolar, bipolar advocate, Bipolar interview, Gabe Howard, inbipolarfashion, mental health recovery, mental illness, recovery, Tosha Maaks.

Date April 29, 2019
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Ha! This Meme struck me as so funny as this is what the last few months have been about for me and I have not been successful! I have been better for sure but controlling emotions is not my strong suit, not in a long shot. Truthfully, I am not sure if it ever will be. I think I am coming to terms with the fact that, that is just part of what makes me who I am and if someone is afraid of that part of me than maybe they aren't someone that I should have in my life I shouldn't be apologetic for the person I am If others can accept my flaws then maybe even while trying to improve my life still, I can learn to accept the fact that even the parts of me that I may never be able to perfect I can learn how to accept fully. For so long because no one ever accepted me how I was it made it really difficult for me to accept myself as I am. Times are changing and as I have learned to explain what is happening inside my head people respond to me differently and I am able to retain relationships in my life better. I wish I control the emotions before they happen. It's a work in progress. There's a song "think before I talk" by Astrid S That says "Baby I should think before I talk, I get emotional and words come out all wrong. Sometimes I'm more honest than I want, so maybe I should think before maybe next time I'll think before, I know that I should think before I speak because I'm saying things that I don't even mean. maybe I'm more honest than I want." When my symptoms are raging what I say is so not me. It doesn't make any sense most of the time. or it was an emotion I had for a fleeting moment and then was gone, and past but my mind is hanging on to it in my delusional state. The words coming out of my mouth are spoken from a place of hurt and anger and normally confusion caused by years of feeling like an afterthought by so many in my life. When I'm having an episode the pain from the past hurts surface and I take it out on those I love now because I am so fearful of that pain returning again. It is time to learn to move past that pain. Realizing the past is in the past and no longer can hurt me. New friends won't do the same thing. . . . . . #inbipolarfashion #ToshaMaaks

It always surprises me after a minor slip up with meds how fast I become dysphoric where mania is concerned. One night missing my med by 9 hours and only getting 3 hours of sleep I started to break down and start to let the delusions in my mind have a voice. I don’t do that normally. Not with anyone but Chris and this was not directed at Chris so it was very uncomfortable for me and scary. I feel like today that I am so fortunate to be able to recognize soon enough now days when my behaviors is being destructive, and I’m fortunate enough to have people in my life who accept my flaws. All of them and never try to ask more of me than to keep trying as hard as I can every day to be a better me. Because people do care. It’s an amazing feeling when you haven’t ever felt like you were accepted by anyone before. My husband and I had some childhood friends who we cherish. But since we have grownup we all live in different parts of the country, strike that world! And mostly his friends but I’ve never felt like an outsider and always felt as part of them. My husband and I have been together since 18 but some of his friends he’s had since before kindergarten! That sort of friendship and acceptance and love doesn’t often happen as adults. And when you have abandonment issues that manifest as trust issues its very difficult to begin friendships when you are always second guessing peoples true intentions but it’s the only way you know how to protect yourself from danger because if you see the red flags you jump ship before anyone has the chance to leave you first, the slightest bit of discomfort you go over the side of the ship. What I have got to learn is I have flaws but I work on them, and just because my dad left my mom and I had a bad high school boyfriend and my grade school friends were little bratty bullies that now would probably go to jail for what I was put through, it’s a different period in my life and I am not even the same girl I was five years ago. Let alone the same girl I was in high school or grade school. I have been working on self improvement most of my adult life. #inbipolarfashion #comments

This here is so true for my life! I go through so much! Admittedly a lot of it happens within my own mind and the outside world has no idea it’s happening but the war is raging none the less! Imagine if you will waking up every morning and the first thing you hear in your head is how worthless you are. Imagine the voices screaming at you telling you that you don’t deserve the life you are living. As soon as my night time medication wears off and I’m awake again my voices begin at full force and I start to fight for the control of my mind for the day. Most days I win. Some days. I do not. But I have learned how to get through it. I always will come out on the other side! I will fight every time and no matter how tired I get I will always fight. I am worth it, I must be, there are so many people in my life now proving to me I am worth it. I am not worthless no matter what the voices say! I am worth a good life! . . . . . #inbipolarfashion #bipolar1disorder #bipolardisorder #bipolar #bipolarstrong #bipolarawareness #bipolarhope #bipolarwarrior #mentalhealth #mentalhealthrecovery #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthisimportant #mentalhealthblogger #bipolardisorderawareness #mentalhealthweek2019 #mentalhealthweek #mentalhealthmonth #mentalhealthblogger #yourmindmatter #selflovejourney #selflove #unconditionalselflove #loveyourself #selfcare #selfacceptance #selfdiscovery #selfconfidence #selfassurance #selfreliance #knowyourworth #youareloved #inbipolarfashion #bipolar1disorder #bipolardisorder #bipolar #bipolarstrong #bipolarawareness #bipolarhope #bipolarwarrior #mentalhealth #mentalhealthrecovery #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthisimportant #mentalhealthblogger #bipolardisorderawareness #mentalhealthweek2019 #mentalhealthweek #mentalhealthmonth #mentalhealthblogger #yourmindmatter #selflovejourney #selflove #unconditionalselflove #loveyourself #selfcare #selfacceptance #selfdiscovery #selfconfidence #selfassurance #selfreliance #knowyourworth #youareloved

Life is good once again. I can smile more I can breathe again. That is no longer seem quite so long and I can look towards tomorrow with a smile. It’s been along time since I could say that. It feels really good it feels really good to know that I can be happy again. I didn’t think I get my mind back this time I thought I had lost myself for sure bipolar recovery is really hard but if you stay the course you’ll find yourself back where you belong I followed my bipolar care plan and I’m back in recovery I followed the steps and it worked if you’re struggling remember you can do it too! Go to Inbipolarfashion.com for helpful tips and articles and watch here because I’ll be discussing more self care tips and other ways of helping yourself along the way during your bipolar care plan take care and stay well ❤️Tosha . . . . . #inbipolarfashion #ToshaMaaks #inbipolarfashion.com #mentalhealthadvocate #mentalhealthblogger #bipolaradvocate #bipolarblogger #bipolardisorder #bipolar #delusions #mentalhealthrecovery #bipolarrecovery #bipolarcareplan #mentalstrength #bipolarwarrior #selflove #LoveYourself #knowyourworth #worthy #youareenough #enough #ed

This was on my mind today because someone asked me a question and I seriously answer them with an answer close to this. I have demons. I don’t have the confidence a girl that people think of as being pretty should have. Sometimes that makes me feel so dysfunctional! I’d love to walk around sure of myself and knowing where I stood with people. But I always wonder if people want me in their life? Even if they have told me I need the reassurance from friends and even my husband. Sometimes even my kids. It’s a horrible way to live and I wish it on no one. #inbipolarfashion #bipolar1disorder #bipolardisorder #bipolar #bipolarstrong #bipolarawareness #bipolarhope #bipolarwarrior #mentalhealth #mentalhealthrecovery #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthisimportant #mentalhealthblogger #bipolardisorderawareness #mentalhealthweek2019 #mentalhealthweek #mentalhealthmonth #mentalhealthblogger #yourmindmatter #selflovejourney #selflove #unconditionalselflove #loveyourself #selfcare #selfacceptance #selfdiscovery #selfconfidence #selfassurance #selfreliance #knowyourworth #youareloved #inbipolarfashion #bipolar1disorder #bipolardisorder #bipolar #bipolarstrong #bipolarawareness #bipolarhope #bipolarwarrior #mentalhealth #mentalhealthrecovery #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthisimportant #mentalhealthblogger #bipolardisorderawareness #mentalhealthweek2019 #mentalhealthweek #mentalhealthmonth #mentalhealthblogger #yourmindmatter #selflovejourney #selflove #unconditionalselflove #loveyourself #selfcare #selfacceptance #selfdiscovery #selfconfidence #selfassurance #selfreliance #knowyourworth #youareloved

This painting is done by artist Chloe Schobert. Chloe goes to school with my son and I’m so glad that she got the chance to share this incredible piece with me and now you! Sometimes we meet just who we are supposed to meet along our paths in life right at the time it matters the most. I know that was the case for me recently. Even though things in my life are quickly evolving and things keep changing I’m starting to realize how change isn’t all bad and how certain people are here for lessons and seasons and then they are gone. You can choose to be sad about it or you can choose to grow from the lesson, and spread your wings. I think I will go with the latter of the two! lol . . . . . #inbipolarfahion #ToshaMaaks #bipolar1disorder #delusional #delusionaldisorder #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #psychosis #selflove #selflovejourney❤️ #selfworth #selfgrowth #worthy #mentalhealth #healthadvocate #nontraditonalstudent #selfacceptance #imacoder #mentalhealthmatters #mymindmatters #bipolarblogger #bipolaradvocate #bipolardisorderawareness W#bipolarawareness #mentalhealthawareness #loveyourself

Tosha Maaks

Normal IL, 61761

1-309-242-7705

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